Entitled friends expect 19-year-old to cook and pay for entire Friendsgiving, refuse to host it themselves: 'She got annoyed and said I was “ruining our tradition” and being selfish'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 25, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Traditions are important. Maybe you have certain ones you stick to in your family. Maybe every year on St. Patrick's day, you go out on the town, drink a green beer, and eat corned beef hash for dinner. You do this with everyone in your family, and you wouldn't miss a year. It's an important time for you to connect, and you don't get that full experience at any other time. You'd find a way to keep this tradition alive, no matter what you had to sacrifice. 
But not everything you do once becomes a tradition. It takes at least a few times of doing something consistently for it to become a tradition. 

Or else everything we do would be one. You get a bagel before work one Monday, and then suddenly it's Bagel Mondays and you're turning down invitations to go to breakfast with your spouse because you have to do Bagel Mondays. See how ridiculous that sounds? That's the kind of talk that was happening in this story, where a friend group expected a little too much of their compatriot. 

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  • A group of people sit around a table for a Friendsgiving.
    via Unsplash+ (Victoria Romulo)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • What started as a nice invitation for an evening of home-cooked food turned into an expectation. And you know what they say about expectations, that they are just premeditated resentments. So when they didn't feel like cooking the next year, their friends tried to turn it back on them and make them feel bad. Scroll on to read the story. 

  • AITJ for refusing to throw another Friendsgiving after my roommate assumed I'd do all the cooking again?

    I (19F) live in a dorm apartment with two roommates. Last year, I planned a big Friendsgiving for our friend group like 12 people came. I spent hours shopping, cooking, cleaning, and basically making it happen. My roommate "helped" by grabbing a tub of ice cream on the way back from class. Everyone ate, she took home a bunch of leftovers, and that was about it.
    via u/KissedBySparkle
  • This week she announced in our group chat, "Can't wait for Friendsgiving at [my name]'s again!! I'll bring dessert." Except... I never said I was hosting this year. I just got a part time job, I'm swamped with assignments, and our place is way too cramped to host that many people comfortably.
    via u/KissedBySparkle
  • I told her I wasn't planning to do it this year, and suggested maybe she host at her boyfriend's apartment or that we all go out to eat instead. She got annoyed and said I was "ruining our tradition" and being selfish. She also said she's "not really into cooking" so it would be too much work for her.
    via u/KissedBySparkle
  • I told her that wasn't my responsibility, and now she's been giving me the cold shoulder. Some of our friends are saying I should just do it again because "I'm the one who knows how to cook." So... AITA for not wanting to host another Friendsgiving just because everyone assumed I would?
    via u/KissedBySparkle

  • Commenters agreed that this was an unfair expectation.

    Ok-Body-5442 • 22h ago yeah.... You are being treated like a doormat
    via u/Ok-Body-5442
  • A group of people sit around a table for a Friendsgiving.
    via Unsplash+ (Victoria Romulo)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • jfcmofo 22h ago This isn't worth even asking. You do whatever you want. One time does not make a tradition.
    via u/jfcmofo
  • chicagoliz 22h ago NTA. Doing something one time doesn't make it a tradition. And even if it is an established tradition, there is no requirement that the person hosting continue to do so until the end of time.
    via u/chicagoliz
  • I would just send a response in the group chat saying "I loved our gathering last year but am unable to host this year. If we want to make this a tradition, is anyone else capable of hosting? I can bring stuffing."
    via u/chicagoliz
  • KissedBySparkle OP 22h ago right?? it doesn't make sense atp celebrating friendsgiving when they treat me like that
    via u/KissedBySparkle
  • daniirae94 • 22h ago Yeah no. Say you're willing to cook ONE dish for a potluck hosted at someone's else's house. And that's only if you want to. Do not host especially if no one else is going to help you. I'm sorry your friends seem to be taking advantage, whether they're aware of that or not.
    via u/daniirae94
  • tenaji9 22h ago . The tradition of you funding, prepping & hosting an event where your pal then takes centre stage. Edit Sorry I forgot ,she also saunters off with left overs.
    via u/tenaji9
  • good-luck-23 · 22h ago NTA. Find a nearby restaurant that does Thanksgiving and see if they want to go there and pay for their own meal and any shared appetizers or beverages. If they say no, then you are forever released.
    via u/good-luck-23
  • rebelscompanion • 22h ago NTJ, it would be one thing if anyone offered to help you cook so they could also learn how to cook but they're all too lazy and selfish to offer help and they should be told as much. Otherwise there should be two traditions one for friends giving and one during summer vacation where everyone else pays for YOUR trip.
    via u/rebelscompanion
  • • tiedyemuck ⚫ 22h ago NTJ. Remind your "friends" that they don't know how to cook because "it is a lot of work" to learn how to cook. People who don't know how to cook think food just magically appears before them. They don't know how to prepare a menu, calculate portions and number
    via u/tiedyemuck
  • of servings, keep food safe to avoid food poisoning, and the hundred other things you do to make sure it tastes good. Tell your friend to hire a caterer so that she can truly understand the value of your time.
    via u/tiedyemuck
  • OddImprovement6490 22h ago NTJ. . The fact that she has the audacity to volunteer you, to volunteer anyone else but herself, tells you all you need to know about who is wrong in this situation.
    via u/OddImprovement6490
  • litbrit 22h ago . "Hi Group, just to be clear, I've got a h I of a busy schedule this year, with greatly increased work and school obligations, and as much as I would love to host and do all the cooking for Friendsgiving as I did last year, it's simply not possible this time around. If someone else wants to host and continue the tradition, I'm happy to bring over a dish--let me know."
    via u/litbrit
  • via_aesthetic • 22h ago . NTJ. You did it ONCE. It's not a tradition. You don't have to do it if you don't want to. You're being treated like sh.
    via u/via_aesthetic
  • babylon331 • 22h ago Do like (I assume) most people: everybody contributes a dish. My family & friends would never leave it all to one person.
    via u/babylon331
  • salamanderinacan 22h ago NTA • They have no right to demand you both host and cater Friendsgiving. I personally love pulling off an impressive dinner for friends and family just for fun. But it is soooo much work. Dinner parties only happen when MY schedule is clear for the entire weekend. And people who don't appreciate it don't get invited back.
    via u/salamanderinacan
  • willowgrl • 22h ago One year does not make a tradition. Sounds like you just need some new friends or something. Those people sound bags. like
    via u/willowgrl
  • Expert-Lobster7806 • 22h ago If you still want friendsgiving but don't want to host, just reply to the group chat: "Hey friends! So excited that everyone wants to do another Friendsgiving this year Last year was such a blast! Since I'm absolutely buried in assignments this time around, I thought it would be fun to switch things up and do a
    via u/Expert-Lobster7806
  • potluck-style Friendsgiving - that way everyone can bring their signature dish (or favorite snack/dessert/drink) and we'll have a big variety on the table! Also, our place is a bit tight for 12 people, so maybe we could host at someone else's house this year? Whoever volunteers is 2025 Friendsgiving MVP and gets first pick of leftovers!!
    via u/Expert-Lobster7806
  • MsRightHere • 22h ago It could also be a tradition to rotate the location. Many people do that.
    via u/MsRightHere
  • Foodielicious843 22h ago • NTJ. None of those people are truly your friends. They see you as a convenient acquaintance. Also, what tradition? You did it once!!! Tell them Chinese restaurants are open, they can go get take out. all
    via u/Foodielicious843
  • nursepenguin36 • 21h ago Tell your friends there are these amazing inventions such as books and the internet that will teach them all about how to cook. The number of people who don't have a clue how to cook in this day and age of technology is sad.
    via u/nursepenguin36
  • • Krazzy4u ⚫ 22h ago Going something once is not the beginning of a tradition! Send out a group message / poll suggesting that if your friends want to do something again there's are possible options. Restaurant Someone else hosts it Skip it
    via u/Krazzy4u
  • Roboticus_Aquarius · 15h ago Just read the story of the little red hen who liked to bake. The answer is right there! Plus, on a serious note, sorry that you're being treated this way. It's not right.
    via u/Roboticus_Aquarius
  • coundntorwouldnt 15h ago . NTJ but this person isn't your friend, she's trying to manipulate you. Stick to your guns and don't do a thing. Announcing it to the group chat without consulting you first. Calling it a tradition when you did it exactly once. Ignore her back, she's giving you the cold shoulder to guilt you into doing it.
    via u/coundntorwouldnt
  • DontAbideMendacity 15h ago • $40 dollars a plate, "Friends" discount, and you'll do it.
    via u/DontAbideMendacity

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